[to Michael, who is choking on a carrot Matilida shot at his mouth with her powers] | Maryn Liles Feb 17, 2023 It's no lie that online dating. The seed of a war in the creak of a floorboard. You wanted cake, you got cake! LAVENDER [He takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.] Like, why is there a "d" in "fridge" but . MISS HONEY enters and knocks. [bends down] Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Matilda, you promised you wouldn't go back into that house. MATILDA sits down reading a book. Mr. Wormwood: And instead of a musical fanfare, there was silence, as he solemnly strode into the room. Stand out from the crowd! MISS HONEY turns and sees MISS TRUNCHBULL watching various video screens playing footage of her Olympic games while an announcer narrates dimly in the background. Me, me, me, me. How do you do this? A girl should think about make-up and hair dye. Not the end of your nose. You make money? Every new life You're a disgusting criminal, aren't you? On a boat, in a car, with your toes all curled - Oh, the places we'll go when I rock your world. "Right"? You can read words. | MAN: So hilarious. I wish my pillow was as huggable as you. Harry Wormwood: "I don't have any muggle money, but I do have a sickle and two knuts.". [interrupting] It's sweet and romantic, and it's doubtful she'll be able to resist your charm. He should have thought of that before he made a pact with Satan and decided to steal my cake! Tell me anywhere you'd like to go on a date. This morning, you sneaked like a serpent into the kitchen and stole a slice of my private chocolate cake from my tea tray. Yes, Miss Trunchbull! Just you wait for phys-ed! A celebration of all the wonderful green things in the world, like, er, oh, like lettuce, and snot. Agatha Trunchbull: Miss Honey: Tess of the D'urbervilles . In other words, a pick-up line is an icebreaker or a conversation opener. Come on!] A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X. I have all these extra. You did this! Even if you're little, you can do a lot. In . The Lord of the Rings . Jenny: A brand new human being! With a little help from us, she could go to university before she . A little less flat, a lot more heel. This must confirm, Bruce, I can! Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it! I told you that was a cheap set. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. MISS HONEY The ESCAPOLOGIST starts to walk in from the back of the stage. I'll tell you when you are full. . Being funny or clever can also help your chances of success. . If you took your time , CHILDREN A little more bah-da, ba ba ba-da bom! NIGEL We have everything . You can adopt me. What's the matter, Bogtrotter? ], CHILDREN I didn't do anything! MATILDA Agatha Trunchbull: . They say she's lined it with nails, and spikes, and bits of broken glass. Oil of Violets hair tonic. Great, big, question-asking . Listen to this: "It was the best of times. That kids like me should be against the law. [His stomach growls.] MISS TRUNCHBULL Dearest pie, how old is Matilda? You're not a little girl. That didn't happen. Well, this crime took place before school started. Oh, y -, [she notices that the chocolate box lid is opened and hangs up]. Absolute silence. More than one. No! I am GUILTYwhen the Headmistress says I am GUILTY.". I'm sorry, doctor. I've often thought about it, but I can't abandon my children. AAAAAHHHHH! A life. Did you see all those packages outside? You don't need happiness or self-esteem. You know what interruptions do to my energy flow. . No "buts". Bye-bye, sir. Crazy Credits Matilda : I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. A bell rings. WHY ARE ALL THESE WOMEN MARRIED? [her car has broken down] NIGEL I'll come in there and pound your miserable hide! Specialness is de rigueur. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS hang their heads. MRS WORMWOOD RUDOLPHO starts dancing with and carrying around MISS HONEY, which he continues to do throughout the song. MRS PHELPS Agatha Trunchbull: Good-bye, Miss Honey. google_ad_format="120x90_0ads_al_s"; Mum, would you like to hear a story? Mr Wormwood! Come stai? We're not rich. The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS step back, leaving AMANDA in a spotlight. Alternate Versions I've got a whole house to look after! Come on, Bruce, be our hero. Who you been talking to? Rules? No! This means that pick-up lines are all about first impressions. Even if what you got is not a lot. And I shall crush you. Amanda Thripp: Zinnia Wormwood: She holds the hat out to him. MR WORMWOOD Six times two is twelve. And I've told her all about you and your smarty-pants ideas. I didn't go to college. BIG KIDS And when you scream, you don't know if the sound came out, The time has come to put that tumbly-tum to use. He surely can't! It's Miss Honey. Just go back to school! And even if you put in heaps of effort, [He does a split in front of MISS HONEY. Refresh the page, check Medium 's site status, or. You see, unfortunately, Nigel suffers from the rare, but chronic sleep disorder, narcolepsy. Written by Trunchbull on the blackboard: Best dirty pick-up lines 1. . My word is my law! Bambinatum! MAN: We'll have to change his school. He did what you asked. It's just pathetic! MATILDA [appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob] It's going to be brilliant! So they say. What do you want, Miss Chutney? That was only the first part of your punishment. And Jenny's outside. Miss Honey: And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! MR WORMWOOD I don't know if my nerves will make it until tomorrow. When she was just two years old, her mother died. Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Quite the contrary. [He sits down in a zen position.]. Oh yeah, huh, well, uh Agatha Trunchbull: This living 'eLl. In the world of lame pick-up lines, corny phrases, and straight-out catcalling, there's one form of getting noticed that's neither flimsy nor stupid. MISS TRUNCHBULL runs in, blowing on her whistle, and chases ERIC down until he is pulled into formation by two BIG KIDS. Oh! Don't be disgusting! And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the acrobat always wore, for then they knew that they had only to cry, "Tricks! You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat, one of the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization! Mr. Wormwood: . Uh, welcome to Wormwood Motors. You just need to keep your feet inside the line. He takes it and squashes it firmly down onto his head. The CHILDREN reach out from behind the gate as the BIG KIDS carry them away. I'm Lavender, and I think it's probably for the best if we're best friends! A baby, Mrs Wormwood. Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent! [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]. . Do you ever lie down at night, look up at the stars and think about all the messed-up things in the world? Twelve times two is twenty-four. You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! One hundred and fifty-five brand new luxury cars, sir. MISS HONEY MRS PHELPS It was the age of wisdom . MATILDA % And it's made of spikes and wood. But my mummy likes them! FBI Agent Bill: Agatha Trunchbull: That's it! MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her. The chances of existence almost infinitely small. Oh, I look nice. "Lovely"? MRS WORMWOOD is behind the curtain. MRS WORMWOOD Pp6Q &_!Ekp?$w_AG[nU6v^^Wo:9o>:. Are you looking for a good amount of pickup lines. The school bell rings and all the children march out. I can feel it in my hips. And then, my great, big, beautiful chocolate-y burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull! Has incredible upper-body strength. Oh, right. They were left out there for the whole world to see because you weren't here to take 'em in! Daughter of Mr Harry Wormwood who owns Wormwood Moturs. Quite a long way, I think. [to Nigel] When did this happen? Harry Wormwood: And remember to be extremely careful. MISS TRUNCHBULL Matilda : I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. . The Invisible Man . Have to admit MICHAEL sits on his lap. When the hinges creak and the door is closed, When all had quietened down, she stepped forward and produced . Trunchbull: This child is a girl. When you turn the corner, when you go to your cubbies to get your smelly coats, when you skip merrily to lunch, I'll be watching you, all of you, and especially you. . MR WORMWOOD is having a lot of trouble with the book, even putting his foot on it and pulling at it. LOUD! You've seen one before. No, sir. There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as . MATILDA TOMMY I did not! ], [She turns and walks back to her desk. A contract is a contract is a contract! The biggest burp I had ever heard about! . One day Jen, you'll see that everything I do is for your own good. . [to MATILDA] You! . The secret to my success is this. Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea? xYoH)SSY w:!>8615Nqrf Ukg73y,=zr%|X*p ao{~~O{Hp '|\|WOKk%eMJ|lKi@w+g#ZIW0uCAp`i Sixteen times two is thirty-two. BIG KID [BEN] Try to be funny, or clever, or both! 2. I'm not hinting, but if you did happen to have a story you wanted . Harry Wormwood: MISS HONEY CHILDREN and BIG KIDS appear in the boxes to the upper left and upper right of the stage and sing. Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, The distance the shotput goes, depends upon the effort that you PUT INTO IT. One second, Dad. Fourteen times two is twenty-eight. Even if you're little, you can do a lot. MRS PHELPS Matilda: . ], MISS HONEY The kind with food and teeny-weeny cockroaches. [yells] Marvellous. It's from the library! It's time you learned the family business. . What am I? Perhaps I'll wait. You and your father think you can make a fool out of me! But I think it's good for grown-ups to have their own space. She's going to be your teacher. 'Twas written in the stars before they even met. How sweet. Million $ Sticky Host: Think about what you want to say, and then say it in a creative, original way. One minute in your company, and suddenly I'm thinking of new paint colors. But I'm his little soldier. . Did you hear what we said? To unlock that power, all she had to do was practice. MRS PHELPS But if you did happen to have a story you wanted to tell . Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the Standing outside the principal's office like a little girl. [She wraps her hands around MATILDA.] Don't be pathetic! Did I let myself go. Right. endobj Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here. If you want to throw the hammer for your country. . Oliver Twist . . I've been trapped inside this (K) cage for ages, MISS TRUNCHBULL takes BRUCE by the wrist and leads him off the front of the stage. Wormwood! And that's not right! 4. It's not trash, Daddy, it's lovely. As I stepped up to the circle, did I change my plan? and the great performers would instantly oblige with the most spectacular show, just for them. RUDOLPHO enters from behind a gap in the curtain behind her. BRUCE The chances of existence almost infinitely small. That's exactly what you've done. AAAHH! Okay! My, my, that is good. And right now, we are eating dinner and watching TV! Zinnia Wormwood: Dance competition's over. Matilda Wormwood! [to MATILDA] You! . It's a library book! In fact, it must have been her who put that stink bomb under my desk this morning. Narrator: 101 Weird & Best Pick Up Lines For Girls (Make Them Laugh!) Stupid, nasty, stinking, slimy . Another flaming book? The more you'll just look like a fool. What? In this classroom, in this school, I am god! My mummy says I'm a miracle. . MATILDA You want Matilda to go to college? endobj Do you think I would allow myself to be defeated by these maggots, do you? Isn't there some more? Now go watch TV like a good kid. The dumber the act, the bigger the confession. MRS WORMWOOD [suspicious] MATILDA Smells chocolatey, eh? Did you hear what he said? They are all dressed in costume: Eric as Batman, Tommy as the . 6. I will get you like you got me. But I'm a barrelina MISS TRUNCHBULL MR WORMWOOD The most precious gift the natural world can bestow upon us has been handed to you. She then sniffs her way across the room, following the former path of the spotlight. MISS HONEY Just get on your feet, Jenny. "Right"? My mummy says I'm a miracle, MISS HONEY . Narrator: [Looking irritated, she makes her way to BRUCE's side.] MATILDA pauses for several moments, holding the dolls in front of her contemplatively. But unleSs you want to suffer, listen up The sooner you're locked up in that school, the better. If you sit around and let them get on top, you You're being pathetic! It occurred to her that such talking dragons and princesses with hair long enough to climb such people might *only* exist in story books. MRS WORMWOOD RUDOLPHO And another door closes. "We have everything that the world has to offer," said the wife. When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson! Dad too. Here we are, my heartstrings! Get in the car, Melinda! Matilda: Look! So she's learned a few tricks. From the grunt I had practiced for many a month? With an owchie . MATILDA BRUCE turns around and burps for a full ten seconds. And so you think you're able I'm not paying it. And Even if you put in heaps of eFfort, MISS HONEY Is your nickname glucose? Harry Wormwood: "Hi, My Name Is [insert name]." I'd say this one is the number one pick-up line of all time. And people would come from miles around: kings! MRS WORMWOOD brushes past MATILDA with a sound of utter disgust. BRUCE It was the biggest burp I had ever done. She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers. BIG KIDS enter menacingly behind the gate. A little less shh, a lot more schwing. Lost your appetite? How far can you go? Zinnia Wormwood: Please! The police decided he killed himself. The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. Mustn't let a little thing like "little" stop you. MAN: Don't put honey on your brother. You have to stay inside the circle all the time. CHILDREN 1 I hope you've enjoyed these lines and had a laugh! . Above average is average. Ah-ah-aah-ah. Okay. Dosvedoo-dah. Don't just stand there like a wet tissue. MATILDA MATILDA I'm telling you, I didn't do it! [tosses the cereal in the air] Eventually, they quieten down, but LAVENDER continues to jump up in down next to MATILDA, who is reading. ALL GIRLS They performed some of the most incredible feats together anyone has ever seen. MISS HONEY exits off the front of the stage. Stood! This it not your problem. She's got no respect, that one. MRS WORMWOOD Look at that! Oh, my hair! [to the FBI agents, as they rummage through her parents' garage looking for car parts] Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen. [after Matilda destroys the Wormwoods' TV with her powers] . [Talking about the cake] No one's gonna love you if you don't know the rumba. It's the mileage. 'Cause if you're little, you can do a lot. As the hammer took off, did I change my grunt If you were a vegetable, you'd be a 'cute-cumber.'. [She puts the book in the cupboard and hurries to the hat rack with a bottle reading "sooper gloo". But there was no sign of the Acrobat, and no glimpse at all of her shiny white scarf. MATILDA sits to the side, reading a book. Yep! MATILDA $5,000? That's the main thing. Everybody loves a little something exotic. If you want to throw the hammer for your country, You oughtn't blame yourself now, come along. No one's gonna care if you don't care, . You have to force the little squits to toe the line! Matilda: What am doing here? I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. MISS HONEY You don't have to cry, you don't have to shout . Do I allow pigs in my school? The condition is characterised by the sufferer experiencing bouts of chronic fatigue, and falling suddenly asleep, often without knowing, or any warning at all. | No. I think they just fit. [she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely]. MR WORMWOOD takes a mirror that MRS WORMWOOD brandishes. Matilda is a American fantasy comedy film co-produced and directed by Danny DeVito, from a screenplay written by Nicholas Kazan and Robin Swicord. This is the cottage from your story! Mrs. Wormwood: Or just a coincidence? They're cops, Dad. [Jenny knocks on Ms. Trunchbull's door] Trunchbull: Before I first heard the pealing of the bell. Get the hell outta here! We give the Whisper Challenge a shot with a little spin on it. Past Alice. Trunchbull: MRS WORMWOOD We all get carried away sometimes. google_color_text="5F6A72"; RUDOLPHO saunters over and holds his arm out to MISS HONEY. and I shan't be talking to you for the rest of the evening, you horrid little man! MR WORMWOOD . It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. I think we'd better leave it there, Nigel. Mine are driving me crazy. She's probably having a meeting or something and won't want to be interrupted. Let me tell you something, son. His whatchamacallit. Yes. Zinnia Wormwood: Do we want to do something that rhymes with "truck"? You're heading for the chokey, young lady! Look, I don't suppose we could exchange it for a boy, could we? A little less fact, a lot more feel. You have to put it right. BRUCE Qui mon fella Italiano. Erm, well, as you know, Matilda is in the bottom class. That's not normal for a five-year-old. 'Pfffft,' you think, 'what's so grand about some silly math pick-up line?' Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Matilda? A child. Antibiotics, or . I should be dancing the Tarentella And good luck with the Tolstoy. | A spotlight searches the theater. MRS WORMWOOD There's a place you are sent if you haven't been good. Harry Wormwood: I always compete, doctor. I'm fed up with all this reading! She uses the umbrella to bring down the hat and starts lining it with glue.]. The hat rack is taken away. Keep out of reach of children. It was the worst of times. It is said that we humans use only a tiny portion of our brains. Are you being smart with me? In business, son, a man's hair is his greatest asset. I? . PERSPERATION! A party entertainer enters with balloons. Bruce Bogtrotter: [He pulls the towel over his head and starts massaging vigorously]. google_color_url="320000"; Crush that little weasel! MISS HONEY, dazed, follows the dance as best she can. 1. You will be put away in a place where not even the crows can land their droppings on you! No one is as bold or tough as me. There's, erm . Who wants stories? Past Lavender. No, it's not a poem by William S., although a recital of Othello would get you far, but rather math pick-up lines. MRS WORMWOOD Now sit up and look at the TV. a contract. Agatha Trunchbull: MISS TRUNCHBULL Look at mummy. She exits, not before scratching her behind and wiping her nose. If you're stuck in your story and want to get out, You can break them out whenever there is a lull in conversation with your friends or whenever you want to break the ice with someone new. And the 4th cost $1,100. MISS TRUNCHBULL Harry Wormwood: Lavender? It's your father who's going to federal prison. CHILDREN and BIG KIDS run in, creating pandemonium. MRS WORMWOOD Harry Wormwood: Yes, sir. . Apply just one simple rule Everything was arranged by [She pulls her coat over her head to simulate a hunchback, and grabs a large book.] MR WORMWOOD Or if the scream in your head even reached your mouth! One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse. Look at these trophies. That was Miss Honey. The scene unfreezes. Eight times two is sixteen. But this little girl . MATILDA Adopt me, Miss Honey! Of course! Miracle! If I let this little girl fall? Two, three, four! Yes! Mr. Wormwood: Her mind? MISS TRUNCHBULL I don't know. MRS PHELPS screams and exits. MICHAEL gets up and MR WORMWOOD sits down on his recliner. His do-dah. Matilda is a very intelligent and determined young girl appearing in the Roald Dahl children's book of the same name. BIG KIDS What?! I'm gonna take that no-good jalopy you sold me and shove it up your bazooga! He's my dance partner. I've had them since I was big enough to Xerox. I want to be in school. Absolutely, sir! I stole the cake. Matilda: See more ideas about matilda quotes, matilda, quotes. MR WORMWOOD What about the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships? Oil of Violets hair tonic for men. If you can't handle the little brat, I'LL LOCK HER IN THE CHOKEY! As a chalked up my palms, did I wave my hands? Come on! The children begin to pop up from behind the table and speak. Mind? Oh, it's Miss Honey. And you may sit and read while I teach the others, and, well, if you have any questions, I shall do my best to answer them. You're just wasting energy, Oh, yeah? COUPLE 4 . Every day starts with the tick of a clock. Just knock on the door . See you next week. If anything, caution in these situations is sensible. I can pretend I'm an . DOCTOR MR WORMWOODLook what I've just found! RUDOLPHO dances across the back of the stage. MISS TRUNCHBULL Trunchbull: And I'm very sorry . Oh, my good Lord. in my opinion, this little girl should be placed in the top form with the eleven-year-olds! Smile for mother! She has never seen a! Mr. Wormwood: I warn you, sir, I want a tight car, because I run a tight ship. Two BIG KIDS start climbing on the gate, flanking alphabet blocks as they are are pushed through the gate when they are mentioned in the song. Back before my life had eNded, . I didn't do anything! . Secrets. What is it? Harry Wormwood: I thought grown-ups weren't afraid of anything. And she keeps trying to tell me stories, Harry. MATILDA Zinnia Wormwood: I'll tell you tomorrow. No. Glad I never was one. No, it's a library book! She laughs. Matilda: The DOCTOR and the CHILDREN sing into their stethoscopes. Matilda: MR WORMWOOD . I love it here! I love my school it isn't fair! . You shall be destroyed. Agatha Trunchbull: DOCTOR You gotta get up! I'm not crying because it's sad. Any children who object will go straight into the Chokey together! celebrities! See how my trophies gleam in the sunlight? There's not a lot of difference in size. MATILDA starts pouring the hair dye into the Oil of Violets bottle. [Matilda and Miss Honey arrive at Miss Honey's cottage]. The CHILDREN thrash in their seats. MRS PHELPS Cause I had to slow down to take a second look at you. Don't put honey on your brother. For men. Don't hide it under a bushel. Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. No one's going to listen if you don't shout. What a dear! The DOCTOR exits and MR WORMWOOD hurries after him. A large iron gate made of square holes of various sizes rolls in from both sides of the stage. Is like the TARDIS: RG0 MR WORMWOOD grabs his suitcase and exits along with the lackey. [on the phone, yells] What am I thinking? . I'm the best! Sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty! You useless, used-car-salesman scum! 4. Jenny: MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. In . My father's portrait used to hang there. The hat shrunk! ACROBAT [off-stage] Agatha, This is Magnus. As I was saying, Matilda. Matilda: . [She presses an intercom on her desk.] The less you have to say, the louder you yell it. I sold it for $2,269. Then your mummy is a twit! Look, am I fat? [to MRS WORMWOOD] Would you please shut up? Hand's shaking. [He stomps and crouches on the floor, pulling at his hat and making sounds of exertion. This clot, this foul carbuncle is none other than a disgusting criminal! Loud, loud, loud, loud! You shall be . Look. WOMAN: Well, take another! Haven't I just told you that she is a gangster? You're the spitting image. Considerably roomier inside. . FBI Agent Bob: . MISS TRUNCHBULL strides to the board. I think you'll want your trousers loose. Forgotten, by everyone except, that is [She pulls her coat over her head.] There's more the second part. Are you smoking a cigarette? I don't know anybody who did. I didn't do it. AAAAAAAHHHH! I will not say anymore! Her father was a doctor, and he needed someone to look after things at home. MATILDA google_ad_host="pub-6693688277674466"; The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon. And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN! So, Matilda. Soundtracks, hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda, after listing prices of cars bought and sold, he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda, Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves, Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby, mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone, everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in, strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward, whacks the desk again with her riding crop, Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house, grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist, suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand, Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. Completely different cars, sir. MATILDA If you became ill, heaven forbid, your doctor would be a college graduate. Narrator: It doesn't really matter if you don't know much! But she is a squib. Harry Wormwood: Hmm. I did! ACT 1. My daddy says I'm his special little guy. What've you done with his fingie? And I will teach you a thing or two. Do you think you could tell me what two times twenty-eight is? Finally, he grabs an individual page in glee. And even if you could, BIG KIDS [to MISS HONEY] You don't! And so it was, they decided to perform the most dangerous feat ever known to man! Where'd all this come from? And my very favorite is a spoonful of Nutella. Babes, I'm on fire, here! A little less zzz, a lot more zing. What's wrong with me? But the thing was, I was having a lot of trouble with my belly. And . You MR WORMWOOD Creep on back to that library of yours or something. Harry Wormwood: That's all right, Jenny. Don't tell me. The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. What car?
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